Something
New

I have a secret. lean in… closer.

I am a shapeshifter. That sounds crazy right? But it’s true. You see, when I was a child, I learned very quickly that the world held many dangers, and a lot of the time it can come from people you trust. And somehow the one with the smallest hands are to blame, the guilt and the shame and the pain…. It’s for those little hands to carry. I also learned that the world wanted something different from me. I was too loud, too wild, too stubborn, too emotional, too much…. Yet somehow never enough. I learned from an early age the world wanted something mouldable, something controllable, something compliant.

In those moments I could feel it, the jelly like substance replacing skin and bone, and my brain like play doh. All I had to be, was anything they wanted me to be. To feel valuable, to survive.

In time, shapeshifting came as easily as breathing. With new people came new reflections, my body twisting, contorting, shaping, style changing, personality replacing with something … new. Only thing that remained the same was a smile. The problem is, shapeshifters give off a certain scent, like a rabbit to a fox, a mouse to a cat, a pig to a hunting dog. Prey and predator. My life became new faces, and bargaining handmade silhouettes used like transactions. And somehow the one with the smallest hands are to blame, the guilt and the shame and the pain…. I was surviving… but never feeling alive.

You may wonder why I put myself through this pain, why I flay myself day after day.

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Why I shift through discarded skin, trying to see what fits like a puzzle, why I unthread myself just to rethread with my hands holding the needle.